बड़ों का सम्मान

पुत्र : मां, आज सुबह जब मैं पापा के साथ बस में आ रहा था तो उन्होंने एक औरत के लिये मुझसे अपनी सीट छोड़ने को कहा। मां : बेटा, ये तो अच्छी बात है। बड़ों का सम्मान करना चाहिये। पुत्र : मगर मां, मैं तो पापा की गोद में बैठा हुआ था।

सचमुच अंधा

पत्नी अपने पति को अपने साथ बाजार में घटी एक घटना का विवरण सुना रही थी - ''एक भिखारी की गर्दन में तख्ती लटक रही थी जिस पर लिखा था ''जन्म से अंधा''। मैंने उसे एक रूपया दिया तो जानते हो उसने क्या कहा ?''''क्या कहा ?'' पति ने पूछा । ''उसने कहा - हे सुन्दरी भगवान तुम्हें खुश रखे। अब तुम्हीं बताओ उसे कैसे मालूम हुआ कि मैं सुन्दरी हूं।'' ''तब तो वह सचमुच अंधा ही होगा'' - पति ने जवाब दिया।

30 साल छोटी पत्नी

30 साल छोटी पत्नी

एक दंपत्ति अपनी शादी की चालीसवीं वर्षगांठ मना रहे थे। संयोग से उस दिन पत्नी का साठवां जन्मदिन भी था। उस रात उनके घर में एक परी प्रकट हुई। उसने उन दोनों से कहा कि वे दोनों इतने लम्बे समय से बड़े प्यार से रह रहे हैं जिससे वह बहुत खुश है। परी ने कहा कि वे उससे एक एक वरदान मांग सकते हैं।
पत्नी, जो कि अपने पति से बेइंतहा प्यार करती थी, ने परी से कहा कि वह अपने पति के साथ दुनिया की सारी मनोरम जगहों की सैर करना चाहती है, पर उसके पास इतने पैसे नहीं हैं। परी ने अपनी छड़ी घुमाई और पत्नी के हाथ में हवाई जहाज के टिकटों से भरा लिफाफा आ गया।
अब मांगने की बारी पति की थी। उसने एक मिनट सोचा फिर बोला - ''ईमानदारी से कहूं, तो मैं अपने लिये अपने से 30 साल छोटी पत्नी चाहता हूं।''परी ने अपनी छड़ी घुमाई और .......... । पति महोदय तुरंत 90 साल के हो गये।

30 साल छोटी पत्नी

30 साल छोटी पत्नी

एक दंपत्ति अपनी शादी की चालीसवीं वर्षगांठ मना रहे थे। संयोग से उस दिन पत्नी का साठवां जन्मदिन भी था। उस रात उनके घर में एक परी प्रकट हुई। उसने उन दोनों से कहा कि वे दोनों इतने लम्बे समय से बड़े प्यार से रह रहे हैं जिससे वह बहुत खुश है। परी ने कहा कि वे उससे एक एक वरदान मांग सकते हैं।
पत्नी, जो कि अपने पति से बेइंतहा प्यार करती थी, ने परी से कहा कि वह अपने पति के साथ दुनिया की सारी मनोरम जगहों की सैर करना चाहती है, पर उसके पास इतने पैसे नहीं हैं। परी ने अपनी छड़ी घुमाई और पत्नी के हाथ में हवाई जहाज के टिकटों से भरा लिफाफा आ गया।
अब मांगने की बारी पति की थी। उसने एक मिनट सोचा फिर बोला - ''ईमानदारी से कहूं, तो मैं अपने लिये अपने से 30 साल छोटी पत्नी चाहता हूं।''परी ने अपनी छड़ी घुमाई और .......... । पति महोदय तुरंत 90 साल के हो गये।

सबसे अच्छा प्रतिशोध

सबसे अच्छा प्रतिशोध

''पांच सौ बाइस रूपये, मैडम'', दुकानदार ने सामान पैक करते हुये कहा । महिला ने जब पैसे निकालने के लिये अपना पर्स खोला तो दुकानदार ने लक्ष्य किया कि उसके पर्स में टीवी का रिमोट भी रखा हुआ है। ''तो आप टीवी का रिमोट भी साथ लेकर ही चलती हैं।'' दुकानदार ने मुस्कुराते हुये कहा । ''नहीं'' महिला ने जवाब दिया, ''लेकिन मेरे पति ने जब मेरे साथ बाजार चलने से मना कर दिया तो मैंने सोचा कि यही सबसे अच्छा प्रतिशोध है जो मैं उससे ले सकती हूं।''

स्वीमिंग पूल

स्वीमिंग पूल

एक आदमी ने अपने घर फोन किया तो उधर से एक अनजान महिला की आवाज आई। ''कौन ?'' - आदमी ने पूछा। ''मैं घर की नौकरानी बोल रही हूं ।'' - महिला ने उत्तर दिया। ''लेकिन हमारे घर में तो कोई नौकरानी नहीं है।'' - आदमी ने कहा। ''मुझे घर की मालकिन ने आज सुबह ही नौकरी पर रखा है ।'' नौकरानी ने जवाब दिया। ''अच्छा ठीक है, सुनो। इस वक्त तुम्हारी मालकिन कहां हैं ? मुझे उनसे बात करनी है।'' - आदमी ने कहा । ''वह तो बेडरूम में हैं। अपने पति के साथ।'' - नौकरानी ने जवाब दिया। ''क्याऽऽऽ... ? पति के साथ...... ? पर उसका पति तो मैं हूं ........ '' - आदमी गुस्से से भन्ना गया। उसने एक मिनट कुछ सोचा फिर बोला - ''हैलो ..... सुनो क्या तुम पचास हजार रूपये कमाना चाहोगी?''''हां... । पर मुझे करना क्या होगा ?'' - नौकरानी ने पूछा । ''तुम मेरी अलमारी से बंदूक निकालो और उस कुतिया और उसके साथ जो आदमी है उसे गोली से उड़ा दो।''नौकरानी ने फोन नीचे रख दिया। आदमी ने पहले कदमों की और फिर दो गोलियां चलने की आवाज फोन पर सुनी। नौकरानी ने वापस फोन उठाया और पूछा - ''अब इन लाशों का क्या करूं ?''''उन्हें स्वीमिंग पूल में डाल दो।'' - आदमी ने कहा । ''पर आपके घर में तो स्वीमिंग पूल नहीं है।'' - नौकरानी ने जवाब दिया। लगभग तीन चार मिनट तक दोनों तरफ खामोशी छाई रही फिर आदमी की आवाज आई - ''क्या ये नम्बर 7457965 ही है ?''

What is it called? part 1

The practice of eating insects is called entomophagyMost insects are edible. According to eatbug.com, there are 1,462 recorded species of edible insects. And they're quite nutritious. For instance, 100 grams of cricket contains only 121 calories, less than half of beef. A cricket contains only 5,5 grams of fat, compared to 21,2g of beef. Beef contains more protein (23,5g - a cricket 12.9g) but the 100g of cricket also contains 5,1g of carbohydrates, 75,8 mg calcium, 185,3 mg phosphorous, 9,5 mg iron, thiamin, riboflavin, and niacin.
Mid-men, the male versions of mid-wives, are called accouchers.
The working section of a piano is called the action.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
The distance that a place holder falls from a glass when it is lifted (you know, place holders sometimes get stuck to the bottom of a cold glass when you lift the glass) is called a bevemeter.
The study of creatures such as Bigfoot, the chupacabra, and the Loch Ness monster is called cryptozoology. Zoologist Bernard Heuvelmans coined the term to describe his investigations of animals unknown to science.
The apparatus used in alcohol distilleries for freeing the spirit from water is called the dephlegmator.
One that speaks two languages - is bilingual - can be said to be diglot.
Ducks are never male. The males of the species are called drakes.

दो मादा और तीन नर

एक महिला रसोई में पहुंची तो देखा कि उसका पति जाली हाथ में लिए हुए घुमा रहा था। ''ये तुम क्या कर रहे हो ?'' - पत्नी ने उससे पूछा । ''मक्खियां मार रहा हूं।'' - पति ने जवाब दिया। ''अच्छा ! एकाध मार पाये?'' - पत्नी ने पूछा। ''तीन ! दो मादा और तीन नर ।'' - पति ने कहा। विस्मित होते हुये पत्नी ने पूछा - ''ये कैसे मालूम पड़ा ?''''तीन शराब की बोतल पर थीं और दो फोन पर'' - पति ने जबाब दिया।

दो रूमाल और 50,000 रूपये

एक दंपत्ति की शादी को साठ वर्ष हो चुके थे। उनकी आपसी समझ इतनी अच्छी थी कि इन साठ वर्षों में उनमें कभी झगड़ा तक नहीं हुआ। वे एक दूजे से कभी कुछ भी छिपाते नहीं थे। हां, पत्नी के पास उसके मायके से लाया हुआ एक डब्बा था जो उसने अपने पति के सामने कभी खोला नहीं था। उस डब्बे में क्या है वह नहीं जानता था। कभी उसने जानने की कोशिश भी की तो पत्नी ने यह कह कर टाल दिया कि सही समय आने पर बता दूंगी।
आखिर एक दिन बुढ़िया बहुत बीमार हो गई और उसके बचने की आशा न रही। उसके पति को तभी खयाल आया कि उस डिब्बे का रहस्य जाना जाये। बुढ़िया बताने को राजी हो गई। पति ने जब उस डिब्बे को खोला तो उसमें हाथ से बुने हुये दो रूमाल और 50,000 रूपये निकले। उसने पत्नी से पूछा, यह सब क्या है। पत्नी ने बताया कि जब उसकी शादी हुई थी तो उसकी दादी मां ने उससे कहा था कि ससुराल में कभी किसी से झगड़ना नहीं । यदि कभी किसी पर क्रोध आये तो अपने हाथ से एक रूमाल बुनना और इस डिब्बे में रखना।
बूढ़े की आंखों में यह सोचकर खुशी के मारे आंसू आ गये कि उसकी पत्नी को साठ वर्षों के लम्बे वैवाहिक जीवन के दौरान सिर्फ दो बार ही क्रोध आया था । उसे अपनी पत्नी पर सचमुच गर्व हुआ।
खुद को संभाल कर उसने रूपयों के बारे में पूछा । इतनी बड़ी रकम तो उसने अपनी पत्नी को कभी दी ही नहीं थी, फिर ये कहां से आये?
''रूपये! वे तो मैंने रूमाल बेच बेच कर इकठ्ठे किये हैं ।'' पत्नी ने मासूमियत से जवाब दिया।

How To Live in Buildings That Dance in the Wind

How To Live in Buildings That Dance in the Wind-
Rotating buildings slowly shift the position of each floor

How To Live in Buildings That Dance in the Wind-

Rotating buildings slowly shift the position of each floor

Buildings based on Dynamic Architecture would use wind power to generate movement.Are you getting tired of the same old view when you look out the windows of your apartment, or you just feel the need for a change in your life? No problem!Soon, with the push of a button you will be able to rotate your entire floor so that your apartment will get on another side of the building. This could be very useful, provided you reach an agreement with your floor neighbors.It's not just a fantasy anymore, as the rotating buildings will really be built around the world in the not so distant future, starting with Dubai, In the United Arab Emirates.The system is called Dynamic Architecture and will allow each floor of the building to rotate slowly, based on commands issued by the owners of condos or apartments on that floor and probably by the owners of the building, for coordinated movements of the floors.How is this possible? Well, each floor is made up of individual pie-like sections that are pre-built and hoisted up a central core around which the building has been constructed. The constructors claim that the rotating buildings require a team of only 90 people to build, as opposed to the 2,000 needed to raise a skyscraper today.In addition to the rotation movement, a novelty in the construction industry, the buildings will also posses other singularities, like wind turbines placed between floors and which rotate freely with the wind to produce electrical power, coupled with solar cells on the tops of the individual floors.It would really be cool to go to sleep looking at the city lights and wake up with a beautiful view of the ocean and this will be possible on the coast of U.A.E. in the near future. The actual movement of the floors will be very slow, so you don't wake up in the middle of an artificial earhtquake.

Have u Seen day and night at single time

Have u Seen day and night at single time
THIS PHOTO IS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. BE SURE TOREAD THE TEXT BELOW TO HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDINGOF WHAT YOU ARE VIEWING. IT IS HISTORIC TOO AS THISIS THE LAST MISSION FOR COLUMBIA

the photograph attached was taken by the crew on board the Columbiaduring its last mission, on a cloudless day.The picture is of Europe and Africa when the sun is setting.Half of the picture is in night. The bright dots you see are the cities' lights.The top part of Africa is the Sahara Desert .Note that the lights are already on in Holland , Paris , and Barcelona,and that's it's still daylight in Dublin , London , Lisbon , and Madrid .The sun is still shining on the Strait of Gibraltar . The Mediterranean Sea isalready in darkness.In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean you can see the Azores Islands;below them to the right are the Madeira Islands ; a bit below are theCanary Islands; and further South, close to the farthest western pointof Africa , are the Cape Verde Islands.Note that the Sahara is huge and can be seen clearly both duringday time and night time.To the left, on top, is Greenland , totally frozen.

Craziest billiard trick ever!

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE
Our Birth is our Opening Balance!
Our Death is our Closing Balance!
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities.
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets.
Heart is our Current Asset.
Soul is our Fixed Asset.
Brain is our Fixed Deposit.
Thinking is our Current Account
.Achievements are our Capital.
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade.
Friends are our General Reserves.
Values & Attitude are our Goodwill.
Patience is our Interest Earned.
Love is our Dividend.
Children are our Bonus Issues..
Education is Brands / Patents.
Knowledge is our Investment.
Experience is our Premium Account.
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

मेरा अधिकार होगा या मशीन का ?''

पति-पत्नी में झगड़ा हुआ और बात तलाक तक पहुंच गई। लेकिन पहले फैसला बच्चे के बारे में होना था कि वह किसके पास रहेगा। न्यायाधीश ने पहले पत्नी से पूछा कि वह कोई एक वजह बताये जिस कारण बच्चा उसे दिया जाना उचित हो । पत्नी ने कहा - ''मैने उसे नौ महीने गर्भ में रखा है और बड़े कष्ट झेलकर उसे जन्म दिया है। यह बच्चा मेरे शरीर का हिस्सा है। उस पर सिर्फ और सिर्फ मेरा ही अधिकार है।''न्यायाधीश हांलाकि उसकी बात से प्रभावित हुये लेकिन नियम के अनुसार पति से भी वही प्रश्न किया। पति ने जवाब दिया - ''देखिये, यदि मैं कोला (शीतल पेय) की मशीन में एक सिक्का डालता हूं और एक गिलास कोला निकल कर बाहर आता है तो आप ही बताइये उस कोला पर मेरा अधिकार होगा या मशीन का ?''

The reason why vodafone Network is weak for the last few days

The reason why vodafone Network is weak for the last few days
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sardar arrested - joke

Why was the sardar arrested in the political rally?
Because he saw a girl going around with a
badge on her chest which said PRESS.
bolo tara ra ra ra.

phool ki tarah

phool ki tarah haste reho to hum khush hi,

dilkhol ker jiyo to hum khush hi,

ye nahi kehete ki roz milo

bus yad ker lo to hum bhout khush hai

मजबूरन

इंटेलिजेंस ब्यूरो में एक उच्च पद हेतु भर्ती की प्रक्रिया चल रही थी। अंतिम तौर पर केवल तीन उम्मीदवार बचे थे जिनमें से किसी एक का चयन किया जाना था। इनमें दो पुरुष थे और एक महिला। फाइनल परीक्षा के रूप में कर्तव्य के प्रति उनकी निष्ठा की जांच की जानी थी। पहले आदमी को एक कमरे में ले जाकर परीक्षक ने कहा - ''हम यह सुनिश्चित करना चाहते हैं कि तुम हर हाल में हमारे निर्देशों का पालन करोगे चाहे कोई भी परिस्थिति क्यों न हो।'' फिर उसने उसके हाथ में एक बंदूक पकड़ाई और दूसरे कमरे की ओर इशारा करते हुये कहा - ''उस कमरे में तुम्हारी पत्नी बैठी है। जाओ और उसे गोली मार दो।''''मैं अपनी पत्नी को किसी भी हालत में गोली नहीं मार सकता''- आदमी ने कहा। ''तो फिर तुम हमारे किसी काम के नहीं हो। तुम जा सकते हो।'' - परीक्षक ने कहा।
अब दूसरे आदमी को बुलाया गया। ''हम यह सुनिश्चित करना चाहते हैं कि तुम हर हाल में हमारे निर्देशों का पालन करोगे चाहे कोई भी परिस्थिति क्यों न हो।'' कहकर परीक्षक ने उसके हाथ में एक बंदूक पकड़ाई और दूसरे कमरे की ओर इशारा करते हुये कहा - ''उस कमरे में तुम्हारी पत्नी बैठी है। जाओ और उसे गोली मार दो।'' आदमी उस कमरे में गया और पांच मिनट बाद आंखों में आंसू लिये वापस आ गया। ''मैं अपनी प्यारी पत्नी को गोली नहीं मार सका। मुझे माफ कर दीजिये। मैं इस पद के योग्य नहीं हूं।''
अब अंतिम उम्मीदवार के रूप में केवल महिला बची थी। उन्होंने उसे भी बंदूक पकड़ाई और उसी कमरे की तरफ इशारा करते हुये कहा - ''हम यह सुनिश्चित करना चाहते हैं कि तुम हर हाल में हमारे निर्देशों का पालन करोगी चाहे कोई भी परिस्थिति क्यों न हो। उस कमरे में तुम्हारा पति बैठा है। जाओ और जाकर उसे गोली से उड़ा दो।'' महिला ने बंदूक ली और कमरे के अंदर चली गई। कमरे के अंदर घुसते ही फायरिंग की आवाजें आने लगीं । लगभग 11 राउंड फायर के बाद कमरे से चीखपुकार, उठापटक की आवाजें आनी शुरू हो गईं। यह क्रम लगभग पन्द्रह मिनटों तक चला उसके बाद खामोशी छा गई। लगभग पांच मिनट बाद कमरे का दरवाजा खुला और माथे से पसीना पोंछते हुये महिला बाहर आई। बोली - ''तुम लोगों ने मुझे बताया नहीं था कि बंदूक में कारतूस नकली हैं। मजबूरन मुझे उसे पीट-पीट कर मारना पड़ा।''

choti si dunia me

choti si dunia me gum bahut hai.
harpal milte zakham bahut hai.
maar dalti kab ki ye dunia humein.
per doston ki duaaon me dum bahut hai.....

IMPOSSIBLE

Columbus : THere no word called IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary
Santa : You must hav correctly checked the dictionary before buying it.

खुलने और बन्द होने वाली दीवाल

एक ग्रामीण पिता-पुत्र अपने नजदीकी शहर में शॉपिंग मॉल देखने गये। यूं तो वहां की हर चीज देखकर वे चकित थे परन्तु एक जगह एक खुलने और बन्द होने वाली दीवाल (लिफ्ट) देखकर वे विशेष रूप से प्रभावित हुये। उन्होंने ऐसी दीवाल पहले कभी नहीं देखी थी । जिस समय वे पिता पुत्र आंखे फाड़ फाड़ कर उस दीवाल को देख रहे थे उसी समय एक बूढ़ी औरत उस दीवाल के पास पहुंची और दीवाल पर लगा एक बटन दबाया। बटन दबाते ही दीवाल खुल गई और बूढ़ी औरत उस दीवाल के अन्दर चली गई । दीवाल फिर बन्द हो गई। थोड़ी देर बाद दीवाल अपने आप खुली और उसमें एक पच्चीस साल की खूबसूरत लड़की बाहर निकली। पिता यह सब देखकर लगभग चिल्लाते हुये पुत्र से बोला - ''बेटा, जल्दी घर जा और अपनी मां को लेकर आ।''

uske chale jaane ka....

asmaan ke tare aakr poochte hai humse.
kya tumhe aaj bhi intzaar hai uske laut aane ka.
aur ye dil muskura ke kehta hai.
mujhe too ab tak yakeen na hua uske chale jaane ka....

a sun or moon

A sardar looking at sky asks another sardar:that's a sun or moon?
He replies: oye! No idea,i am not from this city

शादी की पचासवीं सालगिरह

एक पति पत्नी अपनी शादी की पचासवीं सालगिरह मना रहे थे कि अचानक पति रोने लगा । पति को रोते देख पत्नी ने कारण पूछा । पत्नी की आंखों में देखते हुये पति बोला - ''प्रिये क्या तुम्हें याद है आज से पचास साल पहले तुम्हारे पिता ने हमें तुम्हारे घर के पीछे वाले बगीचे में छुपकर मिलते हुये रंगे हाथों पकड़ा था ?''पत्नी के ''हां'' कहने पर पति ने पूछा कि क्या उसे याद है कि उस वक्त उसके पिता ने मुझसे क्या कहा था ? क्या कहा था । मुझे याद नहीं आ रहा । - पत्नी ने जवाब दिया। उन्होनें कहा था कि अगर मैंने तुमसे शादी नहीं की तो वे मुझे पचास सालों के लिये जेल में डलवा देंगे। तो क्या हुआ । तुमने तो शादी कर ली ना । पत्नी ने पति की ओर देखते हुये कहा। यही तो सोच रहा हूं कि अगर मैंने उनकी बात नहीं मानी होती तो कम से कम आज मैं आजाद हो गया होता ।

jaana kaha tha

jaana kaha tha aur kaha aa gaye.
dunia me bankar mehmaan aa gaye.
abhi to zindagi ki kitaab kholi hi thi.
aur na jaane kitne imtehaan aa gayne....

usne ghar jala kar dekha

meri cheekhti hui aankhon ne, hai vo manzar dkha,
Har yar ke hoton par hansi hathon main khanjar dekha.
Is kadar deewana tha roshni ka vo,
Abke bar diwali par usne ghar jala kar dekha

Sardar wins

Sardar wins 20 cr frm Rs.20.00 lottery ticket.

Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax.

Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my Rs.20.00 back.!

Pyaar To Jindagi Ka Afsana Hai ,

Pyaar To Jindagi Ka Afsana Hai ,
Iska Apna Hi Ek Tarana Hai ,
Pata Hai Sabko Milenge Sirf Aansu ,
Par Na Jaane Duniya Me Har Koi Kyu Iska Diwana Hai …

याददा6त

एक वृद्ध दंपति को लगने लगा कि उनकी याददा6त कमजोर हो चली है। यह सुनि6चित करने के लिये कि उन्हें कुछ नहीं हुआ है, वे डॉक्टर के पास गये। डॉक्टर ने बारीकी से उनका परीक्षण किया और बताया कि उन्हें कोई बीमारी नहीं है। बुढ़ापे में इस तरह के लक्षण स्वाभाविक हैं। उसने उन्हें महत्वपूर्ण कार्यों को लिखकर रखने की सलाह दी ताकि वे कोई जरूरी काम न भूलें। वृद्ध दंपति ने डॉक्टर का धन्यवाद किया और घर चले गये। उस रात को टीवी देखते समय पति उठकर कहीं जाने लगा तो पत्नी ने पूछा - ''कहां जा रहे हो ?'' उसने जवाब दिया - ''रसोईघर में''। ''मेरे लिये एक कप चाय लाओगे ?'' - पत्नी ने कहा। ''ठीक है, ले आऊंगा।'' ''मेरे खयाल से तुम इसे नोट कर लो नहीं तो भूल जाओगे।'' पत्नी ने कहा। ''नहीं भूलूंगा, प्रिय'' - पति ने जवाब दिया। ''ठीक है, मेरे लिये कुछ खाने को भ्आना। जैसे अालू चिप्स'' । ''ठीक है , ले आऊंगा।'' ''मुझे लगता है तुम लिख लेते तो ठीक था। कहीं भूल न जाओ।'' पत्नी ने फिर आग्रह किया। ''नहीं भूलूंगा प्रिय । मुझे तुम्हारे लिये एक कप चाय और आलू चिप्सहै । ठीक है ऌतना तो मैं याद रख ही सकता हूं। '' लगभग आधे घण्टे बाद पति महोदय एक कटोरे में आइसक्रीम और एक प्लेट में आमलेट लेकर हाजिर हुये। पत्नी यह देखते ही आग बबूला होते हुये चिल्लाई - ''तुमसे कहा था कि लिखकर ले जाओ वरना भूल जाओगे। बताओ मेरे आलू के परांठे कहां है ?''

ek letter patni ka pati ko

एक गांव में एक स्त्री थी । ऊसके पती आई टी आई कार्यरत थे । वह आपने पती को पत्र लिखना चाहती है पर अल्पद्नानी होने के कारण उसे यह पता नहीं होता है कि पूर्णविराम कहां लगेगा । ईसीलीये ऊसका जहां मन करता है वहीं पुर्णविराम लगाती है ।और इस प्रकार चिट्टी लिखती है ।

मेरे प्यारे जीवनसाथी मेरा प्रणाम आपके चरनोमे । आप ने अभीतक चिट्टी नहीं लिखी मेरे सहेलीकॊ । नोकरी मिल गयी है हमारी गाय ने । बछडा दिया है दादाजीने । शराब शुरु कर दी मैने । तुमको बहुत खत लिखे पर तुम नहीं आये कुत्ते के बच्चे । भेडीया खा गई दो महीने का राशन । छूट्टी पर आते वक्त ले आना एक खुबसुरत औरत । मेरी सहेली बन गई है । और इस वक्त टी व्ही पर गाना गा रही है हमारी बकरी । बेच दी गयी है तुम्हारी मां । तुमको याद कर रही है एक पडोसन । हमें बहूत तंग करती है तुम्हारी बहन । सिरददर से लेटी है तुम्हरी पत्नी

ek letter patni ka pati ko

एक गांव में एक स्त्री थी । ऊसके पती आई टी आई कार्यरत थे । वह आपने पती को पत्र लिखना चाहती है पर अल्पद्नानी होने के कारण उसे यह पता नहीं होता है कि पूर्णविराम कहां लगेगा । ईसीलीये ऊसका जहां मन करता है वहीं पुर्णविराम लगाती है ।और इस प्रकार चिट्टी लिखती है ।



मेरे प्यारे जीवनसाथी मेरा प्रणाम आपके चरनोमे । आप ने अभीतक चिट्टी नहीं लिखी मेरे सहेलीकॊ । नोकरी मिल गयी है हमारी गाय ने । बछडा दिया है दादाजीने । शराब शुरु कर दी मैने । तुमको बहुत खत लिखे पर तुम नहीं आये कुत्ते के बच्चे । भेडीया खा गई दो महीने का राशन । छूट्टी पर आते वक्त ले आना एक खुबसुरत औरत । मेरी सहेली बन गई है । और इस वक्त टी व्ही पर गाना गा रही है हमारी बकरी । बेच दी गयी है तुम्हारी मां । तुमको याद कर रही है एक पडोसन । हमें बहूत तंग करती है तुम्हारी बहन । सिरददर से लेटी है तुम्हरी पत्नी

buying movie tickets.

Sardar is repeatedly buying movie tickets.

Finally the ticket seller asks him y?

Sardar says, some guy standing at the door is tearing my ticket!

गरीबी क्या न कराए

एक प्रसिध्द लेखक ने एक बार अपने भाषण में कहा - मेरा बचपन बहुत ही गरीबी में बीता । हम लोग इतने गरीब थे कि घर की सुरक्षा के लिए एक कुत्ता भी नहीं पाल सकते थे। इसलिए रात के समय जब भी कोई आहट होती हमें स्वयं ही भौंकना पड़ता था ..... ।

Ankho me aansuo ko

Ankho me aansuo ko ubhar ne na diya,
Mitti ke motiyo ko bikhar ne na diya,
Jis raah pe pade the tere kadamo ke nishan,
Us raah se kisi ko gujar ne na diya

राम का letter सीता के लिए पंजाबी में...

राम का letter सीता के लिए पंजाबी में...

प्यारी सीता,मैं itthe raji ख़ुशी से हाँ and hope ke tu v ठीक ठाक hovengi,Laxman रात नु tannu बहुत याद करदा si.मैं इस बन्दर दे हाथ tannu चिट्ठी bhej reha हाँ,तू bilkul tension ना layi मैं बहुत jaldi tenu ravan कोलो chudalavanga.मैं AIRTEL दा postpaid ले लिया सी, RAVAN nu मैं mobile te bhotगालियाँ kadiya te साले ने काट ditta,चल कोई ni मैंने आना ता है ही. Taan KUTUNGA साले KANJAR nu.मैं तेरे naal भी एक AIRTEL ka prepaid bhej riya सी usme 1500 SMS freewali scheme हा, तू रोज़ मेरे को SMS kari.Chinta ना kari, जब भी gal करने को जी करे, एक miss call मार diyo.मैं यहाँ से tenu बात कर levenga.तू मेरे bill दी chinta ना kariyo, Sugreev nu payment दा jimma दे dittasi.Accha OKSee U.

With Luvदशरथ दा Vadda पुत्तर "राम

100% privacy No Body Can See What You Doing On Your PC !

100% privacy No Body Can See What You Doing On Your PC !

100% privacy No Body Can See What You Doing On Your PC !

Men vs. Women

Men vs. Women

Men and women are not alike. Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have conculsive proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged:

RELATIONSHIPS:

First, a man does not call a relationshipo a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a semi-regular basis." When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots." Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup - at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say "I just wanted you to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas these classes rarely prove effective. SEX: Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

MATURITY:

Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

HATS:

Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.

HANDWRITING:

To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

BATHROOMS:

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving crewam, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. MAGAZINES:

Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.

GOING OUT:

When a man says he's ready to go out, it means he's ready to go out. When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...

LEG WARMERS:

Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. A man can only ear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line." CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

MIRRORS:

Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface - mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head...

GARAGES:

Women use garages to parke their cars and to store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless wooden things in garages.

MOVIES:

For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind." For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark's face in "Public Enemy."

JEWELRY:

Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic. MENOPAUSE: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for an expensive foreign sports car.

LOW BLOWS:

Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television, and one of the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says "Oh, gee, that must hurt." The man doubles over and actually feels pain.

ADMITTING MISTAKES:

Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.

RICHARD GERE:

Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works out at the health club and dates only married women.

NUDITY IN MOVIES:

Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by men. The only actor who has ever appeard nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

DAVID LETTERMAN:

Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the earth. Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

LOCKER ROOMS:

In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. Not in abstract terms, either. They're graphic and technical, and they *never* lie.

LAUNDRY:

Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat, and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.

WEDDINGS:

When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about the "ceremony." Men talk about "the bachelor party."

SOCKS:

Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

PLANTS:

A woman will ask a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man will water the plants. The woman returns five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

MUSTACHES:

Some men look good with mustaches: Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. There are no women who look good with mustaches.

NICKNAMES:

With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk," women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave and Jack go out for a brewski, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Peanut-Brain, and Useless.

Milna ittfak tha

Milna ittfak tha bichadna naseeb tha,
Woh itna door hua jitna karib tha...
Use dekhne ko tarasti reh gayi aankhein,
Jis shakhas ki hatheli per naseeb tha....

The Diet

The Diet
BREAKFAST

1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz glass skim milk
LUNCH

4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed zucchini
1 Oreo cookie

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK

rest of the package of Oreo cookies
1 quart Rocky Road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge

DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread
1 large pepperoni & mushroom pizza
1 large pitcher of beer
3 Milky Way candy bars
1 entire cheesecake

DIET TIPS
1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar,
they cancel each other out.
3. When eating with someone else, calories dont count
if you both eat the same amount.
4. Foods used for medicinal purpose have no calories.
These include any chocolate used for energy,
brandy, cheesecake, and ice cream.
5. Cookie pieces contain no calories, because breakage
causes the calories to leak out.
6. If you eat food from someone else's plate, the
calories don't count.
7. Movie related snacks are much lower in calories because
they are part of the entertainment, and not ones
of personal fuel.

jaroorat hi nahi

jaroorat hi nahi alfaas ki,
dosti to cheez hai bus ehsaas ki,
paas hote to manzar hi kya hota,
door se bhi khabar hai hume aapki har saans ki

newly divorced woman

The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world" there. Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and said "May I have one of those ?" The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of those bastards ?" Without a pause, she said, "Yeah ! And ya better give me a few of those Son-of-a-Bitches next to 'em too."

India haar gaya - jokes

Frnd to sardar:yaar kal India ke match pe

400Rs lagaye the,India haar gaya.

Sardar:Mai n to 800 hara.

Frnd:kyo?

Sardar:400 raat ko highlights pe lagaye the.

India haar gaya - jokes

Frnd to sardar:yaar kal India ke match pe
400Rs lagaye the,India haar gaya.
Sardar:Mai n to 800 hara.
Frnd:kyo?
Sardar:400 raat ko highlights pe lagaye the.

phool ki tarah

phool ki tarah haste reho to hum khush hi,

dilkhol ker jiyo to hum khush hi,

ye nahi kehete ki roz milo

bus yad ker lo to hum bhout khush hai

Self-Appraisal (Nice story)

A little boy went into a drug store,
reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone.
He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone
and proceeded to punch in ten-digits (phone numbers).
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation
:Boy: 'Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): 'I already have someone to cut my lawn.
'Boy: 'Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now.
'Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy: (with more perseverance): 'I'll even sweepyour curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach, Florida.'
Woman: No, thank you.With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store Owner: 'Son... I like your attitude;
I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.
'Boy: 'No thanks'.
Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.
Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have.
I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!'

Santa Singh's Interview

Santa Singh's Interview
Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of good.
Santa Singh: Bad.
Interviewer: Come.
Santa Singh: Go.
Interviewer: Ugly.
Santa Singh: Pichlli.
Interviewer: U G L Y?
Santa Singh: PICHLLY !!!!!!!
Interviewer: Shut Up.
Santa Singh: Keep Talking.
Interviewer: Get Out.
Santa Singh: Come In.
Interviewer: Oh my God.
Santa Singh: Oh your Devil.
Interviewer: You are Rejected.
Santa Singh: I am Selected.

Tujhe Sab Hai Pata Hai Naa Maa ….

Jab Bhi Kabhi Papa Mujhe,
2 peg whiskey dete the main Jhool jaata tha Maa,
Meri Nazar Dhoondhe theke,
Sochu Yahi Tu mujhko nazar na aa jaye Maa,
Daru main itna pita nahi,
Par Main Seham Jaata Hoon Maa,
Chehre Pe Aane Deta Nahin,
Lekin main ludak jaata Hoon Maa,
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata Hai Naa Maa ….

Great Sayings On Marriage

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

news paper at 2020

news paper at 2020

Supermarket Mother

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him."Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother'? It would make me feel much better."
"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

world's largest bridge

world's largest bridge

saali vs wife

What is the difference between Saali And Wife

*Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty

Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension

Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi

Saali is Pataka, Wife is BATAKA

Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool

Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi

Saali is Fresh cake , Wife is earth QUAKE

did you know 2

Did You Know, 160 cars can drive side by side on the Monumental Axis in Brazil, the world''s widest road.
Did You Know, 2 out of 3 adults in the United States have hemorrhoids.
Did You Know, 2,500 newborn babies will be dropped in the next month.
Did You Know, 20% of tuxedo rentals take place in May.
Did You Know, 20252 is Smokey the Bear''s own zip code.
Did You Know, 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.
Did You Know, 25% of your bones are located in your feet.
Did You Know, 35% of the people using personal ads for dating are already married!
Did You Know, 4.5 pounds of sunlight strike the Earth each day.
Did You Know, 40% of all indigestion remedies sold in the world are bought by Americans.

Santa Banta on Double Decker Bus

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh.
He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh!
What the heck's going' on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?" Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "

The funny and crazy facts found below are all true, believe it or not. 3

^The Eiffel Tower has 1792 steps.
^It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.
^Every year, the Moon moves a further 3.82cm from the Earth.
^Every minute in the U.S. six people turn 17.
^There are more than 1,00 chemicals in a cup of coffee.
^Blue and white are the most common school colors.
^On average, a 4-year-old child asks 437 questions a day.
^The tip of a 2cm long hour-hand on a wristwatch travels at 0.00000275 mph
^There is about 200 times more gold in the worlds oceans, than has been mined in our entire history.
^Human hair and fingernails continue to grow after death.
^Termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal music.
^The cockroach has a high resistance to radiation and is the creature most likely to survive a nuclear war.

did you know3

Did You Know, 76% of Americans celebrate New Year''s Eve in groups of less than 20.
Did You Know, 80% of 10 year old girls in the U.S. go on a diet.
Did You Know, 80% of millionaires drive used cars.
Did You Know, 80% of Publishers'' Clearing House $10 million winners did not purchase any magazine subscriptions!
Did You Know, 85% of all Valentine''s Day cards are purchased by women!
Did You Know, 85% of movie actors earn less than $5,000 a year from acting!
Did You Know, 9 out of 10 lightning strike victims survive!
Did You Know, 90 percent of women who walk into a department store immediately turn to the right.
Did You Know, 90% of all restaurants fail during their first year of operation.
Did You Know, 97% of all paper money in the US contains traces of cocaine.

Did YOu know

Did You Know, Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
Did You Know, The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Did You Know, 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
Did You Know, TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Did You Know, Butterflies taste with their feet.
Did You Know, Coca-Cola was originally green.
Did You know, If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
Did You Know, Every day more money is printed forMonopoly than the US Treasury.
Did You Know, It is impossible to lick your elbow.
Did You Know, Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

Two Sardar's and their horses

Then there were two sardars, Zail singh & Jarnail singh.Both of them bought a horse each."How will we know whichis your & which is mine?" asked Zail."Easy"replied Jarnail."I'll cut mine's tail,yours will be the one with tail"This was heard by a few boys ,they cut the other's tail too.Next morning the confusion continued."Don't worry "retorted Jarnail. "I'll tie a bell around its neck, yours will be the one without the bell."The boys heard this also & cut the bell.The next day, Zail got frustrated & said "Okay now the last criterion,white will be yours & black will be mine."

The funny and crazy facts found below are all true, believe it or not.2

Butterflies can taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmmm........ won't go there.)
Right-handed people live, on an average, live nine years longer than left-handed people. (Glad to be right handed.)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing.)
A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig???) HERE'S MORE CRAZY FACTS !!!!! (REMEMBER, THIS IS ALL TRUE!!!)
^The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites.
^Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on the moon.
^Ten tons of space dust falls on the Earth every day.
^Every year the sun loses 360 million tons.
^If you attempted to count to stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3,000 years to count them all.
^Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel with over 50,000 words, none of which containing the letter "e."
^There are 333 toilet paper squares on a toilet paper roll.
^Singapore has only one train station.
^The Eiffel Tower has 2,500,000 rivets in it.

some more facts

Because metal was scarce; the Oscars given out during World War II were made of plaster.
Before toilet paper was invented, French royalty wiped their bottoms with fine linen.
Business.com is currently the most expensive domain name sold for $7.5 million.
Buttermilk does not contain any butter.
By partially filling saucers with vinegar and distributing the saucers around a room, you can eliminate odors.
Canada is an Indian word meaning ''Big Village''.
Children are more allergic to cockroaches than they are to cats!
Cleopatra married two of her brothers.
Common pesticides such as roach, termite, and flea insecticide can be found in the bodies of majority of Americans.
Crayola is a French word that means ''Oily chalk.''

Teri yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi

Teri yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi
liya paper aur tasveer aapki bnayi
socha tha ki usko dil se laga kar rakhenge
magar vo to bacho ko draane ke kaam aayi...

The Suicidal Sardar

A Muslim, A Madrasi and A Sardarji working in a company were really frustrated as everyday in their Tiffins the same things were packed. One day they decide that if the next day the same thing is there they would commit suicide. The next day when they open their tiffins they are depressed and the muslim jumps out the window and dies. same thing is done by the madrasi and the sardarji.
On the 13th day when their wives meet they discuss among themseleves why they did so.
The Muslim's wife says if he would have told me not to give mutton i would have prepared some thing else.
The madrasi says if once my hubby would have told me not to give idli i would have given him something else,why he had to commit suicide.
The Sardarji's wife was a bit confused and surprised. On asking about his husband she replies," I didn't understand why sardarji committed suicide, he used to prepare his own tiffin everyday"

The funny and crazy facts found below are all true, believe it or not.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would produce enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body that it could squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes long. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach can live up to nine days without it's head before it starves to death. (Creepy. I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Warning: Do not try this at home........ maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the......?!")
The flea can jump up to 350 times its body length. For a human, that would be equivalent to jumping the length of a entire football field. (30 minutes....lucky pig.... Can you imagine 30 minute orgasm??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond or the sea?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life.... quality over quantity!)

bollywood blopper

Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam
:1) Amitabh is using the Nokia communicator in 1992 whereas Nokia itself launched it from 1998 onwards. May be he is a secret test dummy for Nokia!
2) Amitabh singing "aye kya bolti tu" in Diwali of 1992 whereas the song was released in 1997 in the movie Ghulam. Guess he has esp.
3) But The Mother Of All Flaws In The Movie K3G is when Hrithik is kid he has 10 fingers...when he grows up he has Eleven
4) Last ball of the cricket match. 1 ball and 6 runs needed. Guess what, the ball is shining and unused !!
5) The fatso Laddu turns into Hrithik 10 years later, however Shahrukh, Kajol, Dadi, Nani and Johny Lever are the same after 10 years!!Q: What will a drunkard say after seeing the movie? A: Kabhi Whiskey Kabhie Rum
Pyar To Hona Hi Tha
Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at the railway station and the train chugs off without her. Poor girl, little did she know that every train compartment has four toilets inside.
Rangeela
Aamir Khan tells his friend that he will take Urmila Matondkar for a Chinese meal. Strangely when they are in the restaurant, Aamir Khan orders usal pav etc. What's happened to the noodle & chowmein?
Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi
Akshay Kumar boards a Jet Airways flight to America. Well well - some promotion for our Indian Jet Airways - since when did they start flying abroad?
Raja Hindustani
Navneet Nishan has a short hair before marriage. But after tying the knot, overnight she acquires waist-length hair. What a hair raising experience!!
Raja
Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri. Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and pours it over Dilip Tahil. That's what I call a autofill!
Guddu
Manisha & Shahrukh are seen hanging on a parachute during a song. But when the song ends, they land down on the Glider. What a switch above sea level!
Jung
Rambha files a case against Ajay Devgan accusing him of rape and produces 3 photographs to prove her claim. However in the three photos, she's wearing three different dresses. So I guess it must be a fashion show cum rape going on!!
Tere Mere Sapne
Priya Gill is doing her B.A. But at the bus stop, she is carrying her electrical technology thesis by B.L.Theraja. What an electrifying interest.
Kyun Ho Gaya Na!
In the film Kyun Ho Gaya Na! there is scene where Vivek hands over his peice of necklace charm to Aish but in the next scene afte that one Vivek is wearing the necklace charm again on his neck.

The Diabetic Sardar

Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.Wife observes the whole episode.Again he comes and does the same stuff.
Wife asks Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.

more funny random facts

Ants never sleep.
No word in the the English dictionary rhymes with "MONTH".
The human brain is 80% water.
Every year, kids in North America spend close to half a billion dollars on chewing gum.
The parachute was invented by DiVinci in 1515.
Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.
There are 86,400 seconds in day.
A goldfish has a memory span of about 3 seconds.
Singapore has only one train station.
The earth is approx. 6,588,000,000,000,000,000 tons.

Bollywood and Marriage

Finally, here is some warning given out in good faith!
Shaadi ke pehle - Agar Tum Na Hote:
( Shaadi ke baad - Agar Tum Na Hote:)
Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai
Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha
Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye
Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge
Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap
Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage
Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Kaaran
Shaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss:)
Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss:(
Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki Rani
Shaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki Amma
Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhi Kabhi
Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky
Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?
Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Apke Hain
Shaadi he baad - Hum Apke Hai Koun?

प्रिये, है ये प्रेम, नहीं है झगड़ा

प्रिये, है ये प्रेम, नहीं है झगड़ा
आओ यूँ सुलझाएँ अपना रगड़ा

जिंदगानी के चंद चार क्षणों में
ऊपर नीचे होते रहना है पलड़ा

करम धरम तो दिखेंगे सबको
चाहे जित्ता डालो उस पे कपड़ा

जब खत्म होगी सुखद होगी
यूँ पीड़ा को रखा हुआ है पकड़ा

जिया है जिंदगी को बहुत रवि
मौत कैसी है ये असली पचड़ा

बड़ी उम्मीदों से आए थे

अवाम को आईना आखिर देखना होगा
हर शख्स को अब ग़ज़ल कहना होगा

यही दौर है यारो उठाओ अपने आयुध
वरना ता-उम्र विवशता में रहना होगा

बड़ी उम्मीदों से आए थे इस शहर में
लगता है अब कहीं और चलना होगा

जमाने ने काट दिए हैं तमाम दरख़्त
कंटीली बेलों के साए में छुपना होगा

इश्क में तुझे क्या पता नहीं था रवि
फूल मिलें या कांटे सब सहना होगा

Once upon a time there was an archery contest.
The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position…He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM…… ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!
The second archer with a cape lines up in position.He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood’s arrow into two!!!He takes off his cape and screams: I AM…… WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!
Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position… He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams:I AM…… SORRY

मंत्री बनाओ तो कोई बात बने

एमपी, एमएलए बनाओ तो कोई बात बने
मंत्री, महोदय पुकारो तो कोई बात बने

चोर लुटेरा न पुकारो मुझे मेरे वोटरों
मुझे चुन के दिखाओ तो कोई बात बने

औरों के भाषण पिए जा रहे हो कबसे
थोड़ा मुझको भी सुनलो तो कोई बात बने

जमाने से दूसरों को वोट फेंकने वालो
अबकी मुझको जिताओ तो कोई बात बने

कुर्सी के लिए सूख के खार हो गए
कोई पद प्रतिष्ठा दिलाओ तो कोई बात बने

पार्टी पब्लिक को फिर कौन पूछे रवि
हमें चुन के बिठाओ तो कोई बात बने

वसंत आया लगता है

लौट के क्यों वसंत आया लगता है
वही फिक्र ले वसंत आया लगता है

इस जमीं का पतझड़ गया ही नहीं
कोई ख्वाब में वसंत आया लगता है

भोंपू, भाषण, रैलियाँ, आम सभाएँ
वो पाँच साला वसंत आया लगता है

नयी हवा नहीं न नए कायदे हुए
ये बे फ़जूल वसंत आया लगता है

मंदिर मस्जिद हिंदू मुस्लिम फसाद
वक्त बे-वक्त वसंत आया लगता है

ठंड से न भूख से मौत की खबर थी
क्या सचमुच वसंत आया लगता है

ज़र्द पत्ते छाएँ हैं गुलों के मौसम में
इलाही, नया वसंत आया लगता है

बुझे चेहरों की शमा फिर जली रवि,
ये बे-मौसम वसंत आया लगता है

intersting facts

Basketball is a famous American sport invented by a Canadian who was working at a YMCA in the U.S.
The hardness of ice is similar to that of concrete.
The average cocoon contains about 300-400 metres of silk.
The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites.
Whitby, Ontario has more donut stores per capita than any other place in the world.
Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel with over 50,000 words, none of which containing the letter "E".
No president of the United States was an only child.
Apples are more effective at keeping people awake in the morning than caffeine.
Mosquitoes have 47 teeth.
Most lipstick is partailly made of fish scales.

mixed funny shyari

Kon kehta hai pyaar may pakray jaain gay?
Waqt aanay per behen bhai ban jaain gay

Mohabbat mujhay un jawano se hai
Jo khatay peetay gharano se hain

Aj bagh may kali hai, kal gulaab ho ga
Mujh se shadi karlo, tum ko sawab ho ga
(Jo tum say shadi karay,is ka dimaagh kharaab ho ga)

Itnay dino se jalanay nahi aya
Galti hui aag ko bujhanay nahi aya
Kehta tha saath jeeyain gay saath marain gay
Ab rooth gai hoon to ullu ka patha mananay bhi nahi aya.

Ghar se roz jata hai wo Maa ko bohot rulata hai
wo Kambakht baap Sab ko hi sathatha hai

woDil kay armaa aansoo'on may behay gaay
Un kay bachay hamay mamu kehay gaay

Hum nay tumhay dil diya dildar samajh kar
Tum kha gaye is ko naswaar samajh kar

Dabbay may dabba, dabbay may khargosh
Nana nay aankh mari, nani behosh

Khuda karay sab haseenaaon ke baap mar jaain
Maut ka bahana ho aur hum in kay ghar jaain

Ishq kay samander main ghota lagaya
Pani bohat thanda tha main bahar nikal aya

Un ki gali say guzray,aj jab ittefaq tha
Unho nay phool phanka,gamla bhi saath tha

Wo ankh bari pyaari thi jo hum nay usay mari thi
Wo sandle bari bhari thi jo us nay hamay mari thi

Mera dil para hai loose Is ko matt karo tum use
Warna parain gay tum ko shoes

Bill Gates and Madhuri Dixit

If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit;
these could be the caption in Newspapers:
* Bill goes Dhak-Dhak!
* English Babu Desi Mem.
* Brain marries Beauty!?
* Windows ke peechhe kya hai? Windows ke peechhe....!?
Ooo Windows mein Bill hai mera...
* The next version of Windows will be "Windows MD."
* Microsoft Mouse V/S Madhuri - the cat.
* Relax guys! they'll only go for a virtual honeymoon.
* Bill to count his millions & billions in EK, DO, TEEN..
* Gate for Bill, Windows for M.F.Hussain
* Mera Bill ghar aaya O Hussainji, Mera...
* Mera bill bhee kitna pagal hai...
* Bill Will, Gates Wates... Main kya jaanu re... !

bumb

Banta Singh's wife is watching TVsitting on sofa of their living room.
Suddenly she lets off a booming fart.
Banta Singh (from room inside): Yeh awaz kaisi?
Sardarni(embarassed):Oji, AXN channel ke movie mein bumb phataneki awaz ayi!
In a moment or two Banta wonders aloud: Oye, kamal hai.
Aaj kal yeh TVchannel wale bumb phatane ke saath saath uski baas bhi nikalne lage kya?

हम आपके जन्मदिन par

हम आपके जन्मदिन पर देते हैं यह दुआ
हम और तुम मिलकर, होंगे कभी न जुदा
जीवन भर साथ देंगे अपना हे ये वादा
तुज पर अपनी जान भी देंगे, अपना हे ये इरादा.

karta hu

karata hu REQUSET to REFUSE mat karanaa
ON kiya hain dil ka BULB ise OFF mat karna
Tere BEAUTY FACE ne mera GENTLE dil tod diyaa
DARLING teri yaad me, maine NIGHT SLEEPING chhod diya

Tujko jis roz se dekha

Tujko jis roz se dekha
Bas usi din se deewana hu
Kam se kam azmakar dekh,
Main haqiqut hu, ya afsana hu

kisi ne pucha dosti kya hai,

kisi ne pucha dosti kya hai,
maine kanto pe chal kar bata diya,
kitna pyar karoge dost se ,
to maine pura aasman dikha diya,
kaise rakhoge dost ko,
maine halke se phulon ko sahla diya,
kisi ki nazar lag gayi to,
maine palkon main use chupa liya,
jaan se bhi pyara dost kise kahte ho ,
to maine aapka naam bata diya

हर vakat

हर वक़्त खुशी नही रहती, गम नही रहता
दुनिया मैं हमेशा कोई मौसम नही रहता
मिल भी जाते हैं, तो कतराकर निकल जाते हैं
हय! मौसम की तरह दोस्त भी बदल जाते हैं.

whatever your pain

Whatever your cross,

whatever your pain,

there will always be sunshine,

after the rain ....



Perhaps you may stumble,

perhaps even fall,

But God's always ready,

To answer your call ...



He knows every heartache,

sees every tear,

A word from His lips,

can calm every fear ...



Your sorrows may linger,

throughout the night,

But suddenly vanish,

in dawn's early light ...



The Savior is waiting,

somewhere above,

To give you His grace,

and send you His love...



Whatever your cross,

whatever your pain,

"God always sends rainbows ....

after the rain ... "

magical wish

One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole.The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first."The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine.The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."

barsat

Aashiq Ankhon Hi Ankhon Me Baat Samaj Lete He ,
Sapno Me Milne Ko Mulakat Samaz Lete He ,
Rota He Ashma Bhi Jami Ke Liye ,
Pagal He Log Usse Barsaat Samaj Lete He......

Log kahte hain ki hame

Log kahte hain ki hame aadat hain muskurane ki,

Vo kya jane, Ye bhi ek ada hain gam chhupane ki

janne

Jaane kya Mujhse zamana chahta hai ,
mere dil tod kar mujhe hasana chahta hai ,
jaane kya baat jhalakti he mere chehre se,
har saks mujhe aazmana chahta hai.

we will be here

JRD TATA's secret(SUPERB)!!!

Location: Tata Museum, Jamshedpur.
In the first pic, you can see a painting. This was a gift to JRD Tata on his Birthday by a street artist. Nobody was able to understand his art. Unfortunately, only the painting was given to JRD and the artist had promised to reveal the secret shortly . However, JRD was no more when the secret was actually revealed.



See Down For Secret!!!! .. ..

Here's the secret revealed. When you place a steel rod at the circle in the first pic you saw, you will see the image of the JRD Tata as a reflection on the steel rod as seen in the second pic below. Isn't it incredible!!

some good jokes

1. Signboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed.
We serve the needy, not the greedy...

2. Yesterday's news : An aunty was raped while jogging.
Today's news: More aunties found jogging.

3. How do Municipal Buses help in Family Planning?
By spreading the Message: KRIPYA PEECHHE SE CHADHIYE

4. Written on the T-Shirt of a girl:
SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they
appear from outside.

5. Santa was fondling a lady in a crowded bus.
Lady : Excuse me, aap achha nahi kar rahe hain !
Santa : Itni bheed mein is se achha nahi ho sakta.

6. Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for
identification parade. When the girl arrives,
both Santa and Banta shout together: "Yahi thee, Yahi thee"

7. Jeeto (Wife of Santa) was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the
time of packing Santa thinks:
Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom saath le
jaa rahi hai.

8. Pappu meets papa Santa on stairs of a KOTHA.
Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe
jaate !

9. Santa: Murge kaise diye?
Vendor: Rs 50, Rs 40 n Rs 10
Santa: Rs 10, itna sasta kyon?
Vendor: Sir ise AIDS hai.
Santa: De do mujhe ... khana hai, gaand thode hi marni hai !

10. Santa standing in balcony without shirt.
Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai.
Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi, andar ja ke apni BHABI KE dekh.

12. Santa running after a Bus, catches it n asks the Driver: "Ye bus teri
Ma lagti hai?"
Driver : Nahin.
Santa : To kya Behan lagti hai?
Driver : Nahin.
Santa : To phir chadne kyun nahin deta ?

ek vaada tha

A boy and a girl loved each other,
unfortunately d boy died. . . .
After death he said to the girl
"Ek vaada tha tera har vade k peche,
tu milegi mujhe har darwaze k piche,
par tu mujhe ruswa kar gayi,
ek tu hi na thi mere janaze k peche".

Itne mein lakdi ki awaz aayi,she said . . . . .
Ek vaada tha mera har vaade k peche,
Mai milungi tujhe har darwaze k peche,
par tune hi mud k na dekha,
ek aur janaza tha tere janaze k peche......

cofession by a baby

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year."Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.Letter 1Dear God,I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.Your friend,BobbyBobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.Letter 2Dear God,This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.Your friend,BobbyBobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.Letter 3Dear God,I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.BobbyBobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.Letter 4God,I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.Please! Thank you,BobbyBobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner", Bobby's mother told him.Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.Letter 5God,I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE BIKE!!!!!!

awaz nahi karna

meri kabar pe aake tum awaaz nahi karna
dard ki nayii daastan ka aagaaz nahi karna...
apni bebassi ko khud hii byaan karega
ye chehre ko kisi aaine ka mohthaaz nahi karna...
raaz Jo khud se hii na chhipaa paao tum
aise raaz mein kisi ko hamraaz nahi karna...
namumkin hai haqikat ke aasman mein urnaa
khaabon ke sahare isme parwaaz nahi karna...
zakham phir zakham hai.N ik roz bhar jaynge
husan wallon ko inke charasaaz nahi karna...
khaakh se bane ho khaakh mein mil jaaoge
kabhi bhoole se bhi khud pe naaz nahi karna...